Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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