I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.