no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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