Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.