I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.