you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged