the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
