i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
