You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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