I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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