There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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