I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
