I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You took a bar mat shot.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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