just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
