At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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