drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
