i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
