You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
