you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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