1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
