Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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