You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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