I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
