They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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