i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
