i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
