i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
