so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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