I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
