guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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