I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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