i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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