Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm at about main and main street
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
try to milk me bitch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
