dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
