it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
