Sponge bath it is.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
