she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
