just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
