my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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