Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And then the night went full on bisexual.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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