i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
