alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
