i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sober January is a disaster.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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