did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
