Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
