Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
