i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
