do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
