Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
