my mouth tastes like poor choices
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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