Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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