He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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