Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
