im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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