I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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