"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
