Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
