Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His nipple licking is glorious
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