Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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