last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
