PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
