I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
