Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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