i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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