so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
