this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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