I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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