He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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