I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
