EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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