Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
