I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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