Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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