I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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