I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
