I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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